Well, this is embarrassing. I just checked online and it has, in fact, been over two years since I have written in my column. June 21, 2009. Where does the time go? And why did I stop writing? Read on and you will soon find the answers.
First, thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to start writing again. To be honest, I have been paralyzed by the thought of sitting down to write this first post. Since I last wrote, I got engaged, married to John, bought our first house, started a Teacher Training Program, changed my last name, created the AW brand, became a Certified Yoga Life Coach and well, I could go on and on. These past two years have been full of so much growth and I have shared so much of my journey with you all. In my head. But, why? I love to write and I love to share, so I didn’t get it. Until I went to my life coaching training. And had one of my Oprah, A-ha! moments.
I finally realized that I am an All or Nothing kinda gal. When I used to write, I would write once a month, on the dot. I would think about my column for a REALLY LONG time. I would write, and rewrite, edit and have Samantha re-edit. And then I would post, html code it to the YS site and newsletter, and then, maybe, I would send it out. Sheesh. Well, no wonder I didn’t want to do it anymore. My system was ridiculous. It had to be perfect. I never allowed myself any kind of freedom. The freedom to write something short and sweet. The freedom to not relate my post to a yoga class, a yoga experience, etc. (how dare me, I am a yoga teacher)! The freedom to just share, whether or not I was confident it would resonate with anyone. So, instead of writing, I wrote in my head and tortured myself for not writing.
As I uncovered this, I realized that my All or Nothing attitude has played a major role throughout my entire life. When I went Trick-or-Treating as a kid, I would save my bowl of candy for months. One year my mom had to throw it away at Easter. She said, “Nikki (my childhood nickname), it all went bad, you waited too long to eat it.” After gaining The College 15, I joined a gym and worked out for 30 straight days. Cardio, weights, step, spin, kickboxing. You name it, I did it. And then I became an aerobics teacher! Geez, I’m exhausted just thinking about it. So, when I can’t do everything, I do nothing. There are many days where I have ridiculous expectations and unrealistic to-do lists. On these days I create a body imprint on my couch, watch really bad TV (part of the punishment), and think about what I should be doing. One day John found me at home watching reruns of Temptation Island. Seriously. I didn’t even watch that show when it was on. And I didn’t even know there was a network called FoxReality. Ugh. It was one of my all-time lows.
So, now that I have revealed this secret to you all, I invite you to go on this new journey with me. I have no idea how often I will write, what I will write about, if I will post a photo or if it will be inspiring, but I can promise you that I will continue to share. I truly believe that we are all the same. Through sharing, we connect. So I hope you enjoy the revival of my blog. It’s now a real blog, thank you Tom!, and has a fresh, sassy and exciting new name life, unscripted.
Thank you to one of our wedding photographers, Huy Nguyen, for inspiring the new name. xoxo